When Thomas Jefferson wrote “All men are created equal” (to be politically correct, the modern version would read “all people”), he was, unfortunately mistaken. And while this might seem like a terrible statement to make, the reality is, Mr Jefferson had not had the pleasure of reading this column at the time that he wrote that now famous statement. Had he done so, he would have very quickly realized that while some of his contemporaries where quite smart, there are other people in the world who are so stupid, they make my golden retriever puppy, who eats his own waste and licks windows, look like a towering intellect by comparison.
23 year old Michael Durban might be described as one such individual. According to reports, Durban was order to appear at Marion County court on charges relating to drug possession. Upon attending court, Durban was require to pass through a security screening point where upon court security allegedly found hypodermic needles and a cotton ball in Durban’s possession.
When questioned about the items in his possession, Durban is reported to have stated “Sorry, I thought I left them in my car”. Not exactly what one might call a resounding denial that the items in question where his.
According to reports, Durban, who was attending court to be arraigned on a drug charge, was arrested on the spot and charged with unlawful possession of heroin.
He was taken to the Marion County Jail and held until the new charges could be heard.
Unfortunately, Durban is not the only example of extreme stupidity that might cause one to question the accuracy of Jefferson’s statement. Take, for example, Quinton Murphy of Fayetteville, North Carolina. While not in the same league as Durban, Murphy, by all reports, still managed to exercise spectacularly poor judge when he decided to strip off his ceremonial gown and strut about on stage during his high school graduation in nothing other than a pair of leopard print briefs.
While some in the audience may have found the event humorous, the faculty of Jack Britt High School apparently did not. According to reports, Murphy was escorted from the graduation ceremony by Police officers before being informed that his little strip tease had also resulted in him being stripped of his diploma.
Still, on the bright side, it is highly unlikely that a career as a male stripper or public exhibitionist requires a high school diploma.
While Quinton Murphy was busy getting his kit off, one unknown offender in the UK was apparently busy dressing up. According to London Mirror, a male dressed in a penguin onesie walked out of a convenience store with ten cans of beer he had failed to pay for. Described by police as “quite conspicuous” (you think?), the male reportedly aged in his 20’s has not yet been identified yet police remain optimistic. After all, how many beer swilling penguins could there be who were seen walking down a busy London street of an evening.
Last but not least, we bring the tale of James Rhein of Middleton, New York. When Rhein’s wife Diane Andryshak left for work one morning late last year, she was under the impression her husband was going to begin renovations on their house. And he did… in a manner of speaking. Just not quite the way Andryshak, or anyone else for that matter, had thought he would.
According to reports, upon returning from work on the evening of Monday January 16th of January, Diane Andryshak discovered her husband had bulldozed the house… completely… with everything still in it… including appliances, possessions, clothing and apparently even his wife’s medication.
Not only had Rhein completely demolished the house or failed to remove important items, he had also failed to first disconnect utilities such as gas, power and water, which he may have known to do had he bothered to obtain a permit for the demolition.
Amazingly, when questioned by police regarding the nature of their relationship, Diane Andryshak allegedly stated that she was in complete shock as, to her knowledge, there were no problems in the relationship.
Rhein also confirmed there were no marital problems, the house simply had bad foundations which needed to be fixed. Of course, he would have obtained a permit but it was a public holiday… which clearly explains everything.